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[19 Aug 2008|04:36pm]

new livejournal... add it, i woulnt be useing this one anymore.
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[14 Aug 2008|11:32pm]
dude, 11 hour days are tireing, and not being able to sit down at all sucks donkey balls... but i LOVE my new salon. everyone is amazing and all the clients are awesome!all of the stylist are AMAZING. and im not just saying that cause i work there... they are really really good. and one of them is cutting my hair next wed before i have to work... if you dont know i dont let ANYONE touch my hair so this is a huge deal for me, so it shows how good they are.
next week will be more layed back i woulnt be working so much, il probobly be goign crazy cause i will have lots of time on my hands, so hang out with me people.

im gonna get my hood pierced when i get my paycheck, i need it and i dont have to explain why, you should know how much i love sex by now so it would only be smart for me to get it done.

p.s. i still love him and i dont care what ANYONE says. he is me but in male form. hes perfect for me. a lush and a fashion whore? come on now, how perfect is that? i cant wait to see him
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sorry if this kills your freinds page but this is some stuff that i know about my adoption [12 Aug 2008|07:19pm]
its hard to read but when i click on them i can read them better... its amazing that ive never seen the document in the 22 years ive been alive...

my mom...

my dad...

its funny... i looooove tv and love listening to mucis so i wanna see if we have anything else in common
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[12 Aug 2008|02:05am]
time to get shit straight with my life. i start work on wed, im going to save up every penny i make and move to philly asap. i just cant offord to live by myself so ive been looking on craigslist for people that need roomates i think i emailed about 12 people so far so hopefully when i get up tomorrow someone would of responded. unless one of YOU lives in philly and is looking for a roomate? i dont have that kinda of luck though...

so today i was in an awesome optimistic moood until my mom got back around 10ish, i told her i was looking through my adoption folder and she was like oh let me look too, so were looking through it together and we both get all emotional, she kept saying all this stuff like how smart i am and that i should never compare myself to anyone else, she was actually being nice to me! i was shocked! but then she had to go and ruin it and say dumb shit like my tattoos ar ugly and that if i ever do find my birth mother that she doenst wnat me to meet her because shes afraid that shell think shes a bad mother becaus ei have a bunch of tattoos. so we started to fight and i started to cry and get all pissed off so i just told her to shut the fuck up and that she always knows when to make me feel liek shit and just walked away... she wnated ot continue fighting but i hate fighting so i just walked outside and lit up a cigarette and told her that its done with. and hour later she comes back downstairs and starts to argue with me again... why do people liek to argue so fucking much? i HATE it. i rather just keep my mouth shut and not even have the issue surface.i guess thats why i made such an awesome tomboy when i was younger haha

anywaaaaaays. im sitting here with a bottle of wine trying to forget all the stupid shit that my mom said to me and just trying to think about what my real mom is like.. i found out that i was a c-section because i didint wnat to leave the womb hahamy mom was 19 and my dad was 23, they were married...im french(already knew that) and both of my parents had brown eyes and brown hair, which is really freaking weird becaus emy natural hair color is liek dirty blonde and my eyes obviously are the color of the arubian sea, so i dont know where my genes are coming from haha. and both of my parents were short as hell. so i dont know where i got my 5'6" from. strokes are very prominite and so is color blindeness, and i almost saw what my real mothers name was but they blacked it out so all i could really make out was a y at maybe the 4th letter? but i'm horeing someone from the government to find them. i NEED to know where i come from, i need to know why they gave me up for adoption, yeah i understand they were young, but it wasnt like they werent married.. usually married couples will kill the babies. im really overwhelmed right now. im so close yet so far away... do i have my mothers lips? do i laugh like my dad?
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[04 Aug 2008|07:24pm]
i feel so fucking sick i was fine this morning, took a nap woke up and felt like shit, my stomach is really sour, threw up a few times, i have a pounding headache. so i took some aspirin, tums, and took another nap. i woke up feeling really sick again, took more aspirin, got sick again and threw up nothing but orange/red mucus(tums from a couple of hours ago?). i decided i'd take a bath/shower because they always make me feel better. i havent looked in a mirror since this morning, got out of the shower and i have a black eye... im so fucking confused. i thought maybe it was popped blood vessels next to my eye but its definitly a bruise. so the only thing i can think of is that i blacked out fell and dont remember.i feel absolutley awful...this fucking blows. im so hungry but i also dont think i can keep anything down. sorry this was so specific but its just really weird and i was wondering if anyone else has had these symptoms and they could tell me what im sick from or what i have so i can get medicine for it or if there is any suggestions? ugh i feel so so sick.
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[17 Jul 2008|11:09pm]

finally made a new one... add it!
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[17 Jul 2008|03:58pm]

i like to be high and bored. cool things come from it.
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[08 Jul 2008|01:37am]
ive been so obsessed with across the universe. its just such a great love/drug movie.

wall-e was sooo fucking cute. .

live to love.... those 3 words pretty much sum up my existence.

seann is pretty much the only guy i have been completely myself around. im not afraid to show him my ugliest sides and the fact that he still stuck around after so much bullshit means alot to me. i dont have to change for him and i would hate him if he changed for me. hes such a great guy and pretty much turned these past couple weeks from horrible to pretty good. shark week is coming up so we must celebrate.
if my heart gets broken again i dont know what will happen. my heart still is broken and i fell bad but the only thing that mends a broken heart is time and out of sight out of mind. but i still kinda feel like a part of me has been murdered. im doing great in life now and supposedly shit hasnt been going to well for asshole. he missed out. im a fucking rad chick. at least seann appreciates me and i appreciate him.ge got me the cutest shirt ever and he always makes me feel so good.

we went to his brother apartment and they have the cutest dog! i cant wait til seann gets his own place so i can buy us a cute little pup.

got job at *shudders* haircuttery. its whatever right now, just to get back onto my feet. and im moving in with 2 of my friends, who i could not appreciate anymore... i need to start making money though so i can afford a bed and other things that i need for it...

got back on all my meds,, well almost. fuck im a drugged up person ,,,, if only i could somehow get medical marijuana

i never told anyone this but ive been writing a book for the past few years, i gotta get back into it.
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[02 Jun 2008|09:55pm]
pumpkin elbow/love letters

click it to see it bigger
so so so much more to go but when he hit my elbow i wanted to shoot myself and im usually pretty good sitting
hes just gonna sleeve out my right arm.so my right arm is gonna be all intricate and my left arm is going to traditional and neo traditional, very bold and solid.
dont judge it til its done.
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[08 Mar 2008|03:34pm]
i am so amazingly happy with my life, sure there are things i wanna change but that will all come in due time. no assholes, no dramatic bitches, just lots of smileing and being a giddy little school girl.i go to bed with a smile on my face and wake up with one. sure there is bad stuff still goign on but i keep telling myself"i will be ok no matter what" and for some odd reason i am believeing it. maybe this is just what i needed to help me get out of my 6 months of being down constantly.

im looking for a new salon to work in. im getting my life together and noone can stop me from acheiving this.
try all you wat but you will not get under my skin, i just laugh at you whenever people bring you up.
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[13 Feb 2008|01:16am]
oh p.s.


i just want to laugh so hard
and im gonna be sick by the thought of it. ugh ew ew ew ew

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[04 Aug 2007|07:25pm]
friends only

get out of my life. i dont want anything to do with you
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[03 Aug 2007|04:34pm]
doing nothing all day is tireing. ive called a couple salons but then i looked them up and they didnt seem right for me. my mom is on my case about finding a job she calls me up every single day yelling at me saying im a bum and that now i need to go back to college because i cant find a job... its only been 2 weeks, not ever., and it sucks being absolulty broke and i hate when people pay for stuff for me. but i really am looking..
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[01 Aug 2007|03:59pm]
amazing past few days with my 2 favorite guys. went to brigantine with seann and cappi, just layed around, drank, watched shark week, and slept. its so nice waking up to his face eveyday

cappi has been getting sick and its scareing the shit out of me

redoing my hair today. i have no idea how it will turn out.ha

i lost my sk charger so i dont know when ill have it back on. use my regualr phone i guess to get in contact with me... liek anyone cares
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[26 Jul 2007|08:51pm]
holy shit. im so done and over everything.

tomorrow im getting one of my wisdom teeth pulled out.im fucking petrified. i dont like getting needles but even worse is huge needles in your gums. it gives me the chills just thinking about it.

i love seeing seann so much.i love waking up next to him. going to brigantine sat-mon and were just gonna relax and drink cheap wine. and its the start of shark week. so stoked.
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[20 Jul 2007|03:57am]
fuck. my teeth are killing me, ive been taking oxy's all night and they only are last for like 2 or 3 hours...i fall asleep and then wake up again.

i really miss him. i am so in love with him its redic. i dont know how i could fall this fast if it wasnt meant to be.

only 2 more full school days left. i dont knwo what im goign to do with myself. i really really really need to find a job.
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[18 Jul 2007|12:55pm]
This school is fucking annoying, they lie about so much stuff. Whatever I graduate on tuesday at 1230.so stoked. Does anyone wanna be my model on tuesday? One color process only 6 dollars
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[17 Jul 2007|06:40am]
i dont understand how i am falling this fast for him.hes everything ive ever wanted. all i can think about his him. this week is going to be neverending because i probobly woulnt see him til sat. this is so forreal. he has to be it.
5 comments|post comment

[15 Jul 2007|03:20pm]
friday night i got trashed and woke up too late for school on saturday so now i dont graduate until next tues instead of saturday. so now i owe the school 70 dollars for missing a day...fuck

i hung out with the most amazing guy ever. he is so perfect. he make me smile and giggle and i have butterflies in my stomach. i cant stop thinking about him. hes all mine and im all his =)
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[14 Jul 2007|12:21am]
im drinking wine by myself watching man vs wild while cappi is sprawled acrossed my legs.

sooooooo pshyced for tomorrow!!!!

its going to be amazing and im gonna smile alot
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